Woo hoo!! I got a camera!! (sort of)

The teacher that I am taking over for (sort of) at SLP sold me her cellphone --and cellphones here are AWESOME--like, a million phones you have never and will never see back home, and SO cheap in comparison, and so cool. Mine has a built in subway map and schedule, day planner, korean-english dictionary (and an app to quiz you on your "weekly vocab"--like it will literally generate "tests" and "quizzes", cool!), a 2.0 megapixel camera with a little wide angle mirror (and i mean LITTLE--this thing is like a grain of rice in size) that shows you what you are taking a picture of--so you can self-take cutesy couple photos with your korean BF and know that you are always in the shot! haha). So expect lots of those soon (minus the Korean BF... and probably the cutesy-ness).

Oh! and everyone has these cutesy little dangly charms hanging off of them. like EVERYONE. Grown men will have like... a full sized teddy bear with a pom-pom outfit that folds out into a hand mirror hanging off the end of their phone just walking down the street. I haven't got one yet, but I have my eye on this rhinestone-encrusted, hand-mirror-converting plush kitten that has a real fur tail and a clip-on rape whistle. We'll see. It's three dollars... so a LITTLE pricey. ;)

I went boxing day shopping--NO SALES. how disappointing. Well, i shouldn't say NO sales, but they were sales that just happened to coincide with boxing day and the two were in no way related. There was a sidewalk-sale-type-thing at this awesome book store at COEX called well... i always think "Barnes and Noble", and i honestly think they probably just tried to make their name sound like that even though it isn't--a lot of things are like that: faux-American names and "looks", even though they aren't. Anyway, it's about as big as a Barnes and Noble, but I got the COOLEST stationary. So cool. I can't wait to send people letters with it. Oh, and I bought a puzzle-- a really pretty one! Lisa, I'm bringin' it back: puzzling is cool.

Koreans LOVE stationary, like there is a stationary store, or a sticker store, or a pen store, on every corner. I think I'm going to buy an "Elite Banana" pencil case, but I haven't decided if i want the tin one, the big, locking tin one, the plush one, or the regular but chocolate-dipped-with-sprinkles one. Elite Banana, from what I understand is some... Korean thing (comic? show? who knows....) that basically depicts an actual Banana, doing "elite" things such as golfing, picking up chicks, having massages, going to cocktail parties, dining out, etc. Basically the funniest thing i have ever seen. Soo.... yeah. SO far I have just seen this elusive banana character on pencil cases, white out tape things, pens, agendas, memo pads, clipboards, stationary, and mugs, but I will search out his original location and report back soon.

Mmmmm.... and I just finished my from-powder Caramel Machiatto... so I'm out!!

A Korean "Five"... some first impressions and observations

Well, since it already feels like i've been here for MONTHS thinking about all the stuff i've seen, tried, and experienced in the past 14 days, i thought i would try to organize my thoughts a little and post this as a "top five".. er... well not really a "top", i suppose. Let's just call it a "five" :)
So, here's five things about my first week(s) in Seoul, South Korea:

1) Everyone lied to me about what they DON'T have here: South Korea HAS EVERYTHING, or at least Seoul does. Chocolate, shower curtains, tampons, thongs, bigger sizes of clothes, kraft dinner, EVERYTHING. and anything you can't find in your local grocery store (where you can find pretty much everything) ---such as super-american snack foods and things of that nature--they have at Costco!! We went last week, and although during Seoul rush-hour the ten-minute cab ride took us a full hour, I think it was worth the trip. Sara and Kelly got some really cute out-of-the-ordinary snacks for their kids' SLP christmas parties on Friday. I bought two massive bottles of Kirkland Signature "all purpose moisturizing lotion", sketchy, i know, but for some reason the only lotion I have been able to find is a $23 bottle of imported Aveeno--which I don't even like that much at home where it's $7, let alone for more than double the price. I haven't seen sheets or towels yet, or deodorant (though I havent looked since i brought more than a year's supply).

2) Itaewon: A short trip to Itaewon, the foreigners area of Seoul, last week was a little less exciting than I expected. Super touristy, and all overpriced. They had a lot of BAaaaddd looking knockoffs of the weirdest stuff that you'd never find at home--tons of fake like... Dooney and Bourke, and Ralph Lauren and Anne Klein and brands like that--weird! But obviously a lot of fake Coach, Gucci, Prada, Chanel and the typical ones as well. Lisa Barbieri (shout outs pickering high!!) was looking for a medium-sized purse, and I was looking for a bigger bag, but everything was just WAY overpriced for what it was. Like, I'm sorry, but im not going to pay $80 for a plastic knockoff of a bag I could get at a Coach outlet at home for only a little more. Especially after seeing how the Chinese do fakes on Canal Street in New York last Easter--I was not impressed. That said, there was a lot of cute souvenier-y Korean stuff--beautiful mother of pearl inset hand mirrors and jewelry boxes, tons of amazing amathyst jewelry, and many other very "Korean" items, so i think it would be worth a trip back near the end of my stay here, or maybe for presents to send home.

3) Oh! and I got that citron tea that I tried at Aunt Sandra's house before i left in Itaewon--as delicious as I remember. It's like orange peels (or possibly the peels of some fruit called a "citron" which I have yet to actually see whole) marinating in honey in what looks like a jam jar. You add a teaspoon to boiling water and voila! orange-tasting sweet tea! I love it. and with flu season in full swing, the vitamin C will hopefully help me fight it off a bit. Other than that stuff-- Koreans don't drink tea!! Well, i shouldn't say they DON'T, but i expected a lot more i think. Tea is apparently a Chinese/Japanese thing. Here the only tea I've been able to find in mass quantities is this stuff with corn cobs on the box--and considering i've never seen it served anywhere, i don't trust it yet.

4) They seem to be really into coffee though, and I've been having Americanos from the local Paris Baguette most mornings. At $2,500 won, they don't come cheap, and without cream, I have taken to having my coffee black-- but they are definitely nessessary to wake up in the morning. they also have a CRAPLOAD of bottled and canned coffee beverages like those Frappucinos from starbucks that you can get back home (in fact they sell those too), and they also love Nescafe-esque coffee "powders". However, as I know from Elisse aka miss coffee-obsessed, there is NOT NEARLY ENOUGH caffeine in that stuff to do anything effective, and most of the canned ones are powder or syrup-based, so they aren't too exciting. BUT, you can get them hot in this little like "hot fridge" in all convenience stores--which is cool. AND, there is a surprising amount of stuff here for under a dollar (1000 won). Many of those coffee drinks are like 80 cents, and most vending machines have stuff in them that costs like... 30 cents. wooo hoooooooo!

3) Korean Sushi: It's called "Kimbap", and it is tasty!! Essentially it is 'futomaki' from back home, but with spam and like... other stuff in it. I get something called "chim chee kimbap" which has like tuna salad in it. It basically tastes like a tuna sandwich (the pickled radishes in the kimbap reminiscent of the sweet pickles you put in tuna salad), mixed with sushi. aka: AWESOME. and it's super-filling, quick to grab and go, and costs a mere $2. I am set for life. Everyone at the school says they kind of got turned off of it because that's the lunch they pack for field trips and it is always like warm and squished by the time you eat it... but I haven't had that yet!!

4) Adventures in food: I have had more mexican in Korea so far than I had in MONTHS back home--and it's delicious! Dos Tacos for Kelly G's birthday on Thursday, Dos Tacos in Hongdae last Thursday after some brutally freezing outdoor shopping, and Les Amigos Burritos in Itaewon with Lisa last Sunday. That aside, I've had Korean food for everything else (ooh! except last night christmas eve tradition of Chinese food, but that experience could be described by this as well.... --> ) Everywhere you go to eat out has menus written only in Korean. Luckily I have gone out with Kelly quite a bit, who happens to take Korean lessons and understands some of the writing, but other than that--everything is pretty much a crapshoot. Since I'm not too picky, I have been pleasantly surprised by pointing to random items and getting a surprise meal... Kimbap I have actually learned to say thanks to Kelly, and honestly, the lady just says "cham chee kimbap" when I walk in the door now... (i;m a regular i guess). But one thing is true--they love pickled stuff. Every meal comes with at the very least a plate of kim chi (fermented spicy cabbage), most also come with some kind of broth-based soup, and often you'll get something else thrown in, like these yellow pickled radishes, or cucumbers, or a little salad, or shrimp chips, or... something. They all eat with metal chopsticks--which is new, but i'm no stranger to chopsticks, so it's fine-and big long-handled metal spoons. I love the Korean food book from my Aunt Sandra that just says over and over and over "Korean Food--Pleasing to the Eyes and Mouth"... but it really is!

5) Shopping: So far the most exciting shopping trip I have been on was with Sara to the Express Bus Terminal "subway shopping". It is essentially a tiny hallway... well, two tiny hallways, probably like a 3 kilometre underground loop of like, street stalls of clothing, purses, shoes, boutiques and all kinds of stuff. Like junk for sale as far as the eye can see. Korean sizing is... ridiculous, triple zero, double zero and zero. I walked into this one store and the lady was all excited -- we have size 80!!--obviously acknowledging my bigness. HA! it was MAaaaayybe a Canadian small, or a really tiny medium. That SAID, a lot of the clothes are "One size", which sounds sketchy, but most Korean style can be summed up by the image at the left: leggings (one size--they literally stretch forever), something big and droopy on top (one size--and made of literally the strangest assortment of fabric I have ever seen, but never cotton), and a plethora of cutesy accessories (mainly over-the-top headbands, furballs, or ENORMOUS scarves right now). I think Rebca would love it here--because a lot of it is her kind of vintage-flowy kind of chic outfits. The other things is: there are NO BRANDS ON ANYTHING, except for the BIG brands, but that is mostly purses from what i've seen so far. Like every store looks like a winners or.. well more like a Goodwill. A lot of REAL weird tacky sweaters and furry godawful things... but definitely cool in a way, and different. and a TON, like i mean TON of fur everywhere. Probably 1 in 4 people on the subway is either wearing a fur coat, a fur scarf, or a fur vest. So... yeah, Rebecca, come here you baby seal killer, you.

Korean insanity -- Parking

okay, although the above picture does not fully represent the insanity of the parking here in Seoul, allow me to explain. People double and triple park as part of the normal parking procedures. How do the cars behind them get out? (ie: all those ones on the upper right) WELL... guess what? They have to physically roll the other cars out of the way. That's right.

When you're parking your car, you leave it in neutral, and look around on the ground to find stray bricks (they are everywhere), to prevent your car from rolling away. THEN, you are also required to leave your name, address, and phone number on your dashboard (they actually sell cutesy little suction cup things with Hello Kitty , etc for this express purpose), so if there are any problems with moving your car, they can call you and you have to come back and move it. As Rhys said, if you were in Canada and you found a bunch of stray bricks on the ground near a parking lot, you'd be like "fuck, someone is going to smash those through a car's window", here? No way. oh, and by the way, allow me to have all of my personal info posted in a public place at the same time... man these people are crazy.

Airplane food!

okay, check this out!! This is the meal we got on the airplane! my first taste of korean food: Bibimbap. its a very popular Korean dish... kind of like a bunch of delicious crap mixed together in a rice bowl.

i just couldnt get over how tasty it was though--especialllllyyyy for airplane food. okay, to to break it down (clockwise from upper left)...
- upper left garbage pile: so the rice was separate, it came with instructions telling you to put it into the bowl, and then a little like, toothpaste tube of garlic-chile sauce that tasted like siracha. mmmm
- deeeelishhhh fruit salad, freshly chopped watermelon, melon, and pineapple.. mmm
- coffee or tea afterwards
- korean beer! Max is probably the most Canadian-beer-esque one ive had so far (last night i did a bit of a sampler), and it was the first one i tried!
- seaweed salad-- tasty, but basically like broth and seaweed floating in it. but i love seaweed--so hey!
- my remote for my mini console/tv/"sky theatre"/EVERYTHING screen on the back of the seat in front of me. so awesome.
- bibimbap: so... its like this marinated green leafy stuff, ground meat of some kind, cabbage (marinated also), mushrooms, and possibly other stuff arranged all nicely in a little design in the bowl, and then you dump rice on top, and then put this chile-garlic paste in, and then mix it all around. yummy!
- kimchi: hahaha... i almost laughed out loud. airplane kim chi = Bick's yum yum pickles mixed with siracha and chile flakes. it tasted... interesting. but it took me a while to figure out it was yum yums, but then i laughed.

some thoughts from the airport...

I wrote this stuff while i was sitting in the chicago airport waiting... sort of mid-travel blog entry, but i couldnt post it because no internet until now...

december 9th -- canada time 10:55

so ive arrived in Chicago. a surprising lack of security considering how much random shizz i had in my carry on, and in every pocket of my coat, and strategically arranged in my purse. im enjoying the showballs mom bought for me on my last night in pickering--though even if i consume the entire package its not even going to make a dent in the chocolate mountain she gifted me yesterday. -sigh- does it look like i need chocolate? ha. but i will enjoy it nonetheless (I'm enjoying it right now!)

so im sitting across from a half-korean girl who looks strangely like my younger sister. but half korean. maybe its fate, or maybe i subconciously sought her out. i did find myself going over the Courtesy Parking Guidelines on the monorail between terminals with a bizarre sense of nostaligia. i feel like i have to cling to everything english... it's like seperation anxiety--okay, its not like, it IS--from a culture and a way of life. I filmed my last minutes of Canada. -sigh- But i did happen to find a small pocket of white people with whom to sit in the airport. it's the next gate over, but their flight to Grand Rapids (could it sound more white American?--reminds me of somewhere Sean would live) is leaving at around the same time. My side is a sea of dark hair, glasses, and laptops.

wait... why do they ALL have glasses??? okay, i count 4 people out of about umm... 50 that i can see that do not have glasses, and these are SEERious glasses too. Big thick-framed, statement-making eyewear. what gives? ***NOTE: i found out... glasses are a serious fashion statement here. many people wearing them dont even have lenses in them. weird!

i tried to get internet a few seconds ago, but it wanted me to pay $7 for one-time access. seriously? i guess people will pay anything if they're desperate. it was going to let me log on to skype for free, but i don't have any Skype credit, so it wouldn't let me do anything, and i couldnt buy any. GEEZ. i can't win. so now im typing this into wordpad having promised so many people to give "frequent" updates... plus, i feel like it will be kind of funny reading this in six months.
I really regret not buying a camera or bringing my old, huge, beast of a Sony so i can take pictures. i realized my first thing i forgot--my camera charger--but i dont think it will even work (well, dad bought me that voltage converter at the last minute, but still...). so now if i keep taking videos with my canon (pictures= not happening, they all show up totally white except in complete darkness due to an...unfortunate incident.) I will run out of battery forever!

ooookayyyy... canada time 11:30
i decided that since i havent eaten anything yet today, i would go buy a sandwich, the lady next to me started eating one, and it smelled like heaven. OKAY. so i approach the sandwich counter expecting to be gouged out the ass for one of the worst looking smooshed pre-wrapped sandwiches ever. TEN DOLLARS. 9.99 for 2 pieces of bread, a slice of ham, a piece of cheese and a package of mayo wrapped on the side. TEN DOLLARS. okay, im trying to figure out what kind of exorbitant pricing i was expecting, maybe 5.99, 699 even? TEN DOLLARS!?! i guess..back to the same topic, desperate people will pay anything. there were all of these delicious deep-dish pizza places earlier and hotdogs, and mcdonald's.... of course i get to the only place with not a food stall in sight, and then decide im hungry. okay, so i look around... chocolate, chocolate, jellybeans, gum... trail mix (meh)... peanuts... okay 3 for $10 is not BAD... but i pretty much hate nuts, and i certainly don't want them. ah... beef jerky. okay. it's been a WHILE since ive had beef jerky, and its like still breakfast time, but how much is it? $8 a bag. okay, still a rip off, but that size usually goes for around 5 at the store, so its not BAD. and they have different kinds. Maple? Sure, a last taste of canada, should be good. ive never heard of this brand, and i could go with jacks links, but no, ill do the maple. OH GOD WHAT A MISTAKE. its in a package so i can't see, but turns out its like this vaacuum sealed, greasy/sticky like... meal? its like 6 beef "fingers" in a foil package inside the bag, and they look all misshapen and dark and... yuck. ogh great, it comes with a wet nap. wonnnnderful. okay, so needless to say: it was disgusting to NO end, and the last food I will eat on this continent for an entire YEAR. how disappointing.... but im not hungry any more!

KOREA: My First Full Day...

Well, the flight was good, i watched about 8 movies (or parts of movies) on my mini personal TV (which has games too!! so cool... anyways..) and slept for about an hour TOPS... and my plan on wearing my largest most bulky clothes was... probably not a good one, but its in the past, and after my shower this morning, i feel wonderful!

Last night was actually REALLY fun (despite the zombiness), Rhys/Taylor picked me up at the bus terminal (my one hour bus ride after my flight that took TWO hours because of traffic), and we taxied home. He also bought me a metro card, which was super nice, so now I'm good to go for travelling all over today!! Anwyay, then we got back, i changed, and we took me out for "Duck Boolani" I think its called? Which is actually chicken, and they basically throw a crapload of ingredients onto this tabletop BBQ (like korean bbq back home) and then you can just mow down on the food with your chopsticks right off the grill, or put it into little lettuce wraps, or... we ordered rice to throw into it near the end, so it became like a "pilaf" Rhys said... haha. it was delicious.

THEN, we went to these girls' house for a "kimchee party" aka make REAL, legit kimchee on the kitchen floor on a big plastic mat and everyone grabs gloves and joins in... quite fun. and i tried all the beers of Korea (or many of them). Max (how sketch is that name), Bite, and BC. I opted out of soju, but I'm sure there'll be time enough for that soon enough...

we also stopped at the convenience store on the way home and i tried 2 new korean things, freeze dried octopus, which is essentially like calimari beef jerky (60 cents a package) and this AMAZING yogurt drink that tastes like egg nog. mmmmm

im at the school now, i walked over with Rhys/Taylor This morning i unpacked/organized my stuff (less unpacked, more.... organized since i wont be staying in this apartment for very long). and i feel a little more "at home" now that i have my stuff sort of together. SO MUCH CHOCOLATE. thanks mom, but seriously its a bit extreme.

we stopped at this place called "Paris Baguette" which is supposedly like their Tim Hortons, and OH. MY. GOD. you think premiere moison in montreal is good? this place is like 3X the size, 1000 times more pastry varieties and like... to die for. plus, the pastries are like a dollar each and all individually wrapped in cutesy little packages. and the coffee is awesome, though they dont have cream, so im going to be getting used to black... anyway, so today i had a "maple pecan twist", which was mindblowing, and an americano. Specialty coffees are the norm, they literally dont have regular i dont think. maybe instant... oh well, we'll see.

its like 12:55 in the afternoon on saturday here... and after sara is finished her marking she is going to take me to this place called "technomart", which is a apparently a massive like 12 story flea market type place for only electronics. and also, Rhys told me, that haggling is like, the norm, but girls dont do it so they get ripped off... dont know if im going to be comfortable with that, but we'll see. i need a hairdryer and straightening iron... and it pisses me off because dad bought me a voltage converter at the last minute which i brought, but i basically have nothing to plug into it. it says its specifically for hair dryers and curling irons, etc, but i LEFT MINE AT HOME. and my laptop only uses one of the little pluggy things it came with (out of about 6 different ones...) Anyway, i air-dried this morning, and Sara says my hair looks "fine" ... personally i think it looks like a flippy, wonky mess... but whatever. also, i ran out the door and didnt put on makeup today.. hm. so yeah. but the shower i had this morning was blissful--definitely needed after that 14 hour flight.

I am so aware that i am writing this from the future right now--i think its friday night there? weird... haha, Lisa said "what are the winning lottery numbers??" hahaha

Tonight Rhys wants to go to a santa-hat pubcrawl (???), though most of the other teachers are going to one of the Korean teachers' weddings. Weddings, they said, in korea are all sort of Vegas-style with people wearing jeans, etc and like, talking through the ceremony...and then getting wasted and pigging out at a buffet. it would be interesting, but i think its TOO weird to show up without knowing the person. and then TOMORROW, Rhys heard about this thing called a "german christmas festival"? Who knows.. well, I'll report back when I have more to say. Just killing time right now...

WHO KNEW!?!?!: All on a Friday night...

Being bored with drinking in basements and going to see shitty movies at the theater we don't want to see and do because there's nothing better... we decided to embark on a scientific journey of discovery into the great wilderness of suburbian Friday nightlife yesterday. 10 bars, one night... interesting results.

Never having been frequenters of the Ajax bar scene, even during our summer's home from London, Lisa and I had literally no idea what to expect. Previous to last night we had literally been to Boston Pizza, The Courtyard (once), Safari (once), Shoeless Joe's (once), and Applebee's (once) for drinks. Needless to say, our expectations were not high.

We had a couple drinks at my place (Brock and Finch), and then set out... First stop? Well, I'd driven by on my way from work a few times, and I thought it looked a little classy from the outside (despite being situated in the ever-sketchy Hardwood plaza), and maybe had a bit of a club vibe, so we thought we'd try...

Bar 1: Xplicit
Location: Harwood Ave. in Ajax
Status: For sale

Okay, so a swing and a miss... but we decided that if the night ended and we didn't find a single decent place, that we'd pool our resources and buy a club and make a sick place to go for ourselves. Anyway, so thinking further, we'd heard friends talk about the Portly Piper and how it was where "everyone" went, I'd gone there for lunch once with some people from my old job, and it seemed like it had potential, PLUS, it was close by... so next stop?

Bar 2: The Portly Piper
Location: shitty little plaza on Bayly in Ajax
Rating: 3/10
What happened: So we awkwardly walked in to have everyone raise their heads and look at us, and we made a beeline for the bathroom. Once we came out, a band was setting up, so we thought we'd give it a try. There were probably 25 people in the bar, many sitting at booths with groups of people, and the others were old man stragglers gathered around the bar. The band started and they were.... energetic (at best). I guess they were friends with this old guy in front of us, and as they called out to him he got up off his chair and actually fell down on the table out of drunkness... Cue to leave.

Soo.... The Edge is across the street. I know some lady at work who said it was deece, and honestly, it DOES look cool (if a bit... okay a lot run-down) from the outside... so we go.

Bar 3: The Edge
Location: Bayly in Ajax
Status: 3/10, with potential
Comments: We liked the leopard couches, but were hesitant to actually sit on them due to their likeliness of harbouring multiple STDs. It was a sausage fest. There was a live band that was actually pretty decent, but made up of old mans as you might expect a band in this place to be. There WERE younger people, but they were all playing pool in the back or in what was possibly another room, but we couldn't tell because of the awkward layout, empty dancefloor in the middle of everything, and many many mirrors. We figured if you were really, really drunk, and came here with a group of friends, you could chill on the couches drinking and then make your way to the dancefloor after you stopped caring about where you actually were. It got points for a dancefloor... we like dancing.

Next, we were kind of screwed, where else is there, even? I lied before when I said we'd never been anywhere else... Dylan, me and Chilly once went to Petrina's to play some pool, and I knew there were more bars along Harwood, so we drove back that way to "cruise by" to check them out.

Bar 4: St. Louis Ribs and Wings
Status: 12 cars in the parking lot

Bar 5: Petrina's Billiards
Status: not worth getting out of the car

Bar 6: Harwood Blues
Status: 5 cars
Comments: Lisa--"It looks like a place where sad old men would go to get hammered"

So... now what? Well, Lisa had heard about this place in Pickering that was like "a club downstairs, and a bar upstairs, and different music on each floor and stuff...". Yeah, it's called Mansion. So we head to Pickering. On the way, we see a bar from the road that looks pretty packed...

Bar 7: Bear and Firkin
Location: Hwy 2 at Valleyfarm in Pickering
Status: 5/10, with potential
Comments: The bouncer quizzed us on our postal codes. Really? Wow. But, it was a good crowd, mostly everyone looks to be around 20-25 (no creepy old men a-la-ajax). There are pool tables, a happening bar in the centre, and a lot of tables full of people that look like they are having fun. A place to go with two people looking for a good time? Maybe not... but we could see ourselves coming back here on a night out with the gang. The music sucks, and its really quiet... but still kicks the pants off anything Ajax has to offer...

And just down the road...

Bar 8: Fox and the Fiddle Mansion
Location: Liverpool in Pickering
Status: uhh.... 4/10 TOPS, but it was still more live than Ajax
Explained: So, the bouncers are nice, chatting us up and making sarcastic comments about this ugly chick in a ridiculous outfit with a broken leg who had just walked in before us wearing a shirt that said "I heart ME"... inside our first impression is that it smells and looks like an old man's house. There is weird, faded, velvety furniture pushed out of the way around every corner and a damp musty smell that reminds us of basements and retirement homes. The place is sparse with unattractive 18 year olds wearing too much makeup and body glitter and thugs (by themselves?) who are preying on the young. Sure, every floor has different music, buttt.... upstairs is a high school DJ playing to a crowd of 10 jamming on the dancefloor, and the place is reminiscent of a grade 8 dance in the school gym. The basement is ONE GUY by himself (looked like Napoleon Dynamite) singing Kareoke, and is like, half storage and florescent lighting.... Honestly? It is like a Funhouse... only minus the fun.

And just down the road again...

Bar 9: Jukebox Live
Location: Hwy 2 just after Liverpool in Pickering
Status: 10 BUCKS!!?!?!?!?!
What happened: the parking lot is literally FULL, and there is a lineup of taxis... exciting! So we're psyched. We park soooo far away, walk over past the busy patio with black fences so we cannot see the age or faces of any of the patrons, only there, as Lisa keeps saying "cute shoes!". We go in, past the bouncer, there is a coat check (a good sign?). We're obviously not paying for that... so we walk past it. Oooohhhh no. Go back there and pay. What? Pay, that lady, ten bucks. Ten dollar coat check?? Helll no... Oh, Oooohhhh... cover! TEN DOLLARS!? IN PICKERING!?!?!? ARE YOU INSANE?!? Apparently not. He told us that there were "200 people" inside, and from what we could see from the tiny narrow doorway there was a live band, and the stage looked cool, but no WAY IN HELL would I ever pay ten dollars to go out on a friday night in Pickering... are they serious?

Blown away with the ridiculousness of that little fiasco, we walk to the car tallying up the number of vehicles multiplied by $10, and really, REALLY don't get it. Oh well, at least we found where everyone goes on a Friday... but it's only 1AM, and we're not calling it a night on that note of defeat. So we decide to head back into Ajax following a lead from the weird, foreign bouncer at Bear and Firkin who told us that a place called South in Ajax is the place to be on a Friday. *sigh* what driving... oh well, all in the name of science: we need to conduct a well-rounded study. So, back to ajax we go.

Bar 10: South
Location: Across from Costco in Ajax
Status: 7.5/10
Comments: Ladies night, girls are free, guys, $10, $5 margaritas and mohitos, and apparently salsa dancing lessons if you come early. Lisa is afraid that the "Latin American Restaurant" (on their sign) will be full of "guidos"... yeah... wrong country and... not in Ajax, honey. But the place is pretty live. A young-ish crowd and very mixed race, Aj says its cougar night, so, yeah, we see a few of those... but overall it is a pretty impressive nightclub for Ajax. Lisa said it reminded her of Taphouse in London, and I think that's a bit of a stretch but... not THAT much, all things considered. We get 2 mohitos--they taste weird for mohitos, but still good. the BEST place of the night so far. By far.

But we're not really feeling dancing now, which seems to be the thing to do at South, so we hit the road again, this time??? To gamble!!

Stop 11: Ajax Downs Slots and Casino
Location: just drrrriiiiiveeee on Hwy 2, and then turn left. In Ajax.
Status: AWESOME
What happened: we signed up for some crappy points program and it gave us FIVE FREE DOLLARS. So... we spent it and WON $25 on the 2 cent machine!!! Awesome end to the night.

Reflections: It will never be worth something

As I sift through my mounds upon mounds of $3 Garage t-shirts and tank tops and try to decide which magazines from my chronologically organized and meticulously maintained collection to pitch, and which to keep... it occurs to me how INCREDIBLY wasteful our society is. I mean, yes, individually-wrapped snack packets, fast food and water bottles are bad for the environment, but it definitely goes deeper than that.

You could say that I am a pack-rat, although I would not use the term "horder" (you wanna see one of those, check out the people who showed up for our "free" garage sale last monday--yikes!). I use things, but I take care of them and thus, they last a long time... and then I also buy more of them in the mean time. Honestly though, I do not "use up" items, and the reason I don't dispose of stuff is, yes, I'm weirdly emotionally-attached to "stuff", but I am not DONE with it yet. We live in a society where there is endless new SHIT. I have stuff that works, but Oh! a new one is less than half the price of the perfectly good old one that I already have, and Oooh! it has twice as many features and it comes in 6 awesome limited edition colours. Why not? Now, throw out the old one? Ah-ha! No, sell it on E-bay!!

Well, it's a good idea in theory, but as I look out over the vast wasteland of filled garbage bags piled on my front porch for a Diabetes pickup tomorrow AM, I wonder at what point will it stop? I am hard-pressed to find an argument against the post-apocalyptic junkyard of Wal-E... We buy and buy and buy and buy, why keep anything? You can just get a new, no, a HUNDRED new ones, at Dollarama for $1 an item, and throw out the old one without a thought.

And what is collecting any more? Who collects? No one has "stuff" anymore (except my family apparently). The Spice Girls dolls that I've saved in mint condition in their boxes for the past 11 years are worth mmmmm.... not even 0.99 cents on E-bay. Nice. And those Care bear toys and My Little Ponies from 1989? Three dollars a piece. Whyyyy bother... We just threw out 2/3 of our movie collection, literally THREW OUT, because they are movies on VHS, and who has the space to store them, the players to watch them, or the patience to wait for them to rewind, even? It's not worth the effort. No(thing) is.

What a wasteful, wasteful world.

Shopping Finds: This week at Costco... deals!

Okay, for those of you who DON'T already know this... any price at Costco ending in .97 cents means that that item is on clearance. In general, this is about 30% off Costco's original asking price, but sometimes its as much as 80%...

And so... check out this week's .97 deals:
- Rock & Republic Men's jeans $49.97 (from 99.99)
- RnR Women's jeans $59.97 (from 99.99)
- RnR Women's tees $9.97 (from 24.99)
- Fun Pillows (awesome round pillows that are sooooo soft) $3.97 (from 6.99)
- Beautyrest Twin Mattress Cover $14.97 (from ???)
- Budweiser BBQ Sauce $3.97 (from 5.69)
- Ketchup, Mustard, Relish 3-pack $4.97 (from 6.20)

... PLUS, we also have Perogies on roadshow (aka: constant samples) -sigh- oh for simple pleasures.

Things I know because I am cheap: Being Creative at Tim Horton's

There's nothing a Tim Horton's employee hates more than customizing an order that not only takes a long time to say, but also takes a long time to punch into the system, and then also forces them to give second-hand instructions to the other people actually assembling your food/drink.

So why not take every opportunity to make them work for their minimum wage?? After all, at the very least it will give them a story to tell the staff that come in to cover their breaks over lunch-hour, and trust me, a heroic story about a mean customer (soon to be you) is enough to keep you going in that place...

So next time you're strapped for cash, hungry, or just want to piss somebody off, try ordering one of these babies:

1) London Fog a-la-Timmy's
-- Order: "A Large Earl Grey Tea with 3 milks, 1 sugar and a vanilla flavour shot, bag in"
-- Cost: Tea+Shot

2) The cheapest sandwich you'll ever buy (best ordered in-store, they get confused, trust.)
-- Order: "A white bun, toasted, with bacon" (if you're really daring, ask them to "add mayo" at the end... they can't type it in so they get REALLL flustered)
-- Cost: White Bun (~85 cents) + Side of bacon (50 cents)

3) Mocha-Chai Latte
-- Order: "A Large Chai Tea with 2 milk and half hot chocolate, bag in"
-- Cost: Same as Tea

4) Apple-Cinnamon Steamer-like deliciousness
-- Order: "A Large Apple-Cinnamon tea with 2 milk, one cream and 2 sugar."
-- Cost: Same as Tea

5) The Soup Combo
-- Order: "A soup combo with (anything but chicken noodle--they re-use it for like 3 days), a regular coffee, white bun, and honey crueller"
-- Cost: This whoolllle thing costs like $4, its the most "discount" on any combo in the whole place

6) Liquid sex for under 2 bucks
-- Order: "A Large half coffee, half hot chocolate with 2 cream and a hazelnut flavour shot"
-- Cost: Coffee+Shot

... well good luck with those, fellow Canadians! Happy drinking, and eating, and all I can say is I really hope you're not in the drive-through in front of me.

No Matter What You Do You Will Always Be Remembered As: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society

Ooookkkaaaayy, turns out his name is "Ross Hull", but I thought I should bust out this classic example of 'you'll never live it down'. No matter how many times I see you do your shitty weather predictions, I am always going to think of at best? Student Bodies, and at worst? The Midnight Society from Are You Afraid of the Dark?

...did it ever occur to you that the reason why you were never scared of the Tale of the Crimson Clown might actually be because those glasses doubled as monster-proof, fear-retardant face shields? Well, because of you, and your stupid Society, my childhood was haunted with night terrors and bad dreams. Thus, I will never EVER be able to watch you do the weather without having flashbacks of horrible, frightening nightmares.

THANKS A LOT, ROSS HULL. what a jerk.

Reflections: On interrupting

Okay, I don't think Elisse (et al.) can actually BLAME me for interrupting them when they're speaking.... which apparently I do quite a lot.

Okay, yes, it is annoying and disrespectful and i TRY not to do it, although it's so so hard to do... but, like, I interrupt even MYSELF. What the hell. Read my other posts, I was realizing this as I wrote that last one... I don't even let MYSELF get a whole sentence out without an interjected (bracketed phrase) :semicolon: or --dashdash.... or ellipses.

Although that's like my signature grammar mark (loser? yes.)
...
I think it signifies... mmm.... boredom? time lapse... it cues people to read my written phrasing properly, since people BARELY EVEN KNOW what a comma means nowadays. If I ever write I novel, its going to be filled with ellipses. and I don't care what my editor says, I am not taking them out.

AND, I'm going to insist on recording the audiobook myself. and not doing voices. and not having an annoying voice like Laurel Merlington. That woman should have her throat ripped out. Just listen to this bitch: http://www.lauralmerlington.com/demos.html. She ruins so many long drives.

Reflections: Roswell is not a very good show...

For the past several weeks (okay, 2 and a half), I have been diligently watching episodes of the 90s teen sci-fi-drama Roswell every night before I fall asleep. I did this following a 5-seasons-of-buffy marathon... and comparatively, the show is basically crap.

HOWEVER, it does have its merits in being a nearly perfect splice of the concepts and characters from X-Files and Dawson's Creek.... with the narrative pace of All My Children (aka: none). I compliment the show's creators on their profound efficiency in taking two clearly successful recipes, and merging them, while saving money on writers by taking the plot of what would (in a normal show) be one episode and dragging it out over nearly 22 hours of screen time.

For all my bashing it, I have a disturbing need to watch it. And I say NEED: I feel like a crack-addict if I sleepover somewhere else or are too tired to watch it--actually, i turn it on anyways, and just have to wake up to the mega-annoying titlescreen music playing on loop at 5:09 AM and turn it off. BUT, then I wake up in the morning feeling unfulfilled... what have I become!?!?!? I am pathetic.

I actually got the idea from Jenna, who cured insomnia with endless episodes of "i've already seen it three-times-over" sex and the city before bed... but it doesn't seem to be having the same effects on me...

On the bright side-- an opportunity to indulge my pathetic new Trekkie-ness: FanExpo Canada is August 28th - 29th. At best, it could be a chance to get James Marsters' autograph, at worst, it would be a sweaty conference hall filled with societal rejects dressed as fully-illuminated characters from TRON. I don't think I'll go, since I'd be going by myself, and I think that would be.. well, "The Ulitmate Loser" doesn't really cover it.

On the dark side (not of the Force, don't go there... wow, I already did. Too many FanExpo thoughts inspired by "at worst...", what can I say? No, I don't have a working pod-racer. Yes, I do occasionally photoshop my face into pictures of sci-fi/fantasy tv shows circa actor-from-reno-911 in the movie 17 Again. Guilty.)-- Brendan Fehr (Michael from Roswell) seems to think that making his initials into a "logo" for his website is cool (at left. See: Not cool)... and his "Rant & Rage" section of his personal website devotes 1/3 of its text to praising Our Heavenly Father... usually "ranting" involves a little less "praying to jesus". However, interestingly, the photo gallery includes a section called "Personal Photos" which are actually just pics that he like, took with his digital camera while on vacation. Seeing a celebrity (okay, a D-list celebrity even... whatever) in amateur, monkey-arm, sweaty, vacation pics is very... surreal. Like it shouldn't happen. Perez Hilton bursts celebrity bubbles, but this all-too-real glimpse at a celebrity's actual life (like he ACTUALLY went on there himself, and uploaded those from his camera--like his WEDDING PHOTOS even!!) is very disturbing to me. Celebrities are not supposed to HAVE sweaty vacation photos. I guess that comes in the definition of 'celebrity', I doubt you'd see Nicole Kidman on her laptop uploading her wedding pictures onto the web and "ranting" about Jesus in a blog entry... but who knows? Social Media is changing everrrrryyyythhhinnnngggggg....

Did you know that in 2011, the owner of facebook has plans to invent an app that, once you click on "wall-to-wall" it actually transports you back in time to when you clicked "post" after typing on their wall? True story.

WHO KNEW!?!?!?!: The Skarsgards

Are you for SEER!?!?! These people are RELATED!? and not only related, but FATHER and SON!???? One might think that I'm overly obsessed with Alex Skarsgard since most of my posts are about him, but it's not true! He just has so many frightening off-screen little-known facts.

FOR EXAMPLE... Bootstrap Bill AKA The ugliest fat husband in Mamma Mia AKA Stellan Skarsgard is actually his real-life father. TRUE STORY. I guess you can kind of see the resemblance in those pics though. Through the nose? maybe? Well, there must be one. Because imdb doesn't lie, they have too much at stake.

Check it: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0002907/bio

PS: Credit goes to my sister Rachel for this one, she noticed the name "Skarsgard" in the opening Mamma Mia credits and then googled it... yes, she sits at home alone on her days off doing things like this, who wouldn't?

Reflections: Buying Stuff Online

It occurred to us today, as we diligently tried on 9 items each at XXI (Forever 21--but I think the numerals look prettier, as does the company obviously who have started to drop the "forever 21" words from their bags/storefront altogether. Is the store XXI different from Forever 21, you may ask? No, no it is not.) that it is ridiculous to think that people buy stuff from forever 21 online ALL. THE. TIME. HOW!?!?!?!

1) The crap is made in all parts of Asia by all kinds of child labourers: and as such there is little quality control (resulting in rock bottom prices!) and absolutely no such thing as "consistency"

2) The clothes are literally manufactured a maximum (thank god) of FOUR INCHES DIFFERENT per large/large, medium/medium of different items. How could you ever know what size you are for REALZ??
Answer? You couldn't.

So, the moral is... DON'T buy stuff online from Forever 21, or H&M, or Urban Behavior, etc etc, because although they may be some of my favourite stores due to their relatively high coolness/cheapness ratio (any item under $5 = insta-buy in my world), buying online from them will only result in dashed hopes and dreams.

You wait patiently for your package to arrive, only to discover that the Vietnamese made THIS particular medium 3 inches smaller around the ribcage than that other summer dress from the same company. Thus you are now out $13.50, and have an ill-fitting (or non-fitting) new item.

BETTER idea, is to buy stuff that you DON'T have to try on, stuff that's a sure bet. Posters. T-shirts. Books. DVDs. CDs. mmmmm.... fantastic. Might I recommend All Posters, Threadless, and Amazon. Once, I also bought 50% off clearance stuff from HotTopic.com, but they charged me $200 worth of duty charges from Puerto Rico, Mexico and halfway across the globe because they had to ship it to their warehouse before mailing it. Fair? Helllll no. So they're cut from the list.

OR, better yet, buy ME stuff from MY list.... http://www.amazon.ca/wishlist/1M0M18GCIIPK4

Happy Shopping!!

Mmmmmm.... breakfast

I just had (essentially) the photo at left for breakfast, made for me by my mother (minus those nasty-looking things--what are they? Gyros?).

I woke up out of bed approximately 4 hours earlier than usual for the promise of food cooked for me instead of by me. and NOW.... as an added bonus: I get to be nagged for those WHOLE FOUR HOURS to put away my laundry!!! Boy, do I LOVE living at home.

I think that what you don't pay in RENT living with your parents, the living situation makes up for in the money your parents should be paying to programs like counseling, mood-suppressants, yoga and costco-sized packages of stress balls, but instead--they take out on you. I should start tallying up my services in "Minutes Screamed At" and billing her at a set rate. buttttt somehow I don't think she'd go for it...

No Matter What You Do You Will Always Be Remembered As: AMANDUUUUHHHHHHH

Carlisle? No.

When I watch twilight, and I see Edward's badly bleached blonde father figure (they had millions of applicants and had to get 2/3 cullen blondes to be natural brunettes? please. ANYWAY...) what comes to mind is not a commanding, stalwart vampire father figure, but a drunken, moronic teen jock from the movie Can't Hardly Wait.

For all those of you who haven't seen it, here's the real Peter Facinelli:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQHXaN2CO2I

No Matter What You Do You Will Always Be Remembered As: ORANGE MOCHA FRAPPUCIANOS

Oh Eric.

Never a vampire has existed who is so incredibly sexy and charming and yet so incredibly burdened by the bit-part casting of his past.

You may have watched True Blood for the past three seasons and thought, how do I know this man?? Well, wonder no longer.

Here is what I will think about every time I see Eric on screen forever and ever until the end of time from now on:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47Rf7UWqW-c

Reflections: procrastinating

*sigh*
This entry should be titled "Story of My Life".

If you added up the total hours spent wasting time and divided by the number of minutes I am late for class everyday, then multiply that number by the average % by which my GPA has dropped due to late marks taken off... well, that would be some number. Probably really high (or low?).

Who am I kidding, math is def not my thing, but I sure as hell know how to drag out the writing of an essay. This current one--feminity and the automobile--has been 4 days and counting. Days late = 3, % penalty = 15 ... oh i'm dumb.

WHO KNEW: Dressing for your body type...

I regularly look like a Beast or like a deformed Hipzilla because I choose to indulge in fashion-forward-body-unfriendlies like skinny jeans, high-waisted skirts and uggbootswithleggings. So, to help me cleanse my wardrobe and build a future clothing collection of figure-flattering pieces and outfits I decided to look up some ideas to help me flatter and disguise by bottom-heavy body type.

Bottom-heavy

If your hips are wider than your shoulders and your thighs are round, you have a classic pear-shaped body. Dressing is a snap if you remember to accentuate the positives: a shapely waist, delicate upper body and attractive shoulders and arms.

Bottoms

• Avoid anything too tight.
• A-line skirts that hit around the knee area are ideal because they draw attention away from problem areas. Miniskirts are generally a bad idea because they accentuate heavy thighs.
• Pant waists should fall somewhere below the natural waistline for a better fit. A straight or slightly bootcut leg is the most flattering. Avoid patterned or light-colored pants. Skip fussy details like big cargo pockets, rouching or excessive zippers around the hip area.
• Shorts can be tricky, but for workouts and casual wear choose lightweight, loose-fitting shorts (no bike shorts). Slimming side stripes on shorts can give the illusion of sleekness.

Tops

• Avoid too-baggy tops or too-tight tops: the looser tops will make you look large all over, the tight tops will make you look out of proportion to your hips. Look for fitted -- not skintight -- T-shirts (something with some stretch) and button-front tops. V-necks, turtlenecks and open collars all call attention to the face, which is always a good thing.
• Jackets and blazers should hit anywhere but the widest point of your hips. That could mean right below the waist to mid-thigh, depending on your height. Wear jackets and blazers open for the best vertical lines.

Dresses

• Look for dresses that nip in at the waist and slightly flare out over hips and thighs.
• You can pull off a full-skirted ballgown because it will hide heavy hips and thighs.
• Try sleeveless and strapless dresses to play up pretty shoulders and arms.
• An empire, or raised waist dress brings the eye up away from problem areas. Careful, though. Sometimes this gets mistaken for a maternity look with fuller figures.

Body basics for every figure

• Wear colors that look great on you. Not sure what those are? Grab a trusted friend and head to the mall. Hold up tons of colors next to your face and get feedback from your friend. Hues that compliment most complexions: pink, blue, white (you'll just need to change the intensity of these colors to suit your coloring, i.e. hot pink for darker skins, carnation for fairer, ivory for olive tones, etc.)
• Nobody looks good in high-waisted, pleated pants with narrow ankle openings, but manufacturers still turn these out in droves. Avoid!
• Don't worry about being trendy when you look at what suits your figure: concentrate on what flatters, and add up-to-date shoes, handbags and accessories later

-----------
8 ways to flatter a bottom-heavy figure:

1. Fitted pieces: Balance figure with colour

You can wear a fitted suit, even with a slim skirt, if you are bottom heavy. Just remember:

• Keep the line long by using all one color with slim-cut pieces. It elongates and slims the figure.
• Choose fitted jackets that end well above your widest point.
• Wear a top or jacket with structured shoulders, puffy sleeves, etc. to balance out your larger bottom half.
• Rely on a form-fitting, but never tight, skirt in a non-clingy fabric

2. Think fit and Flare:

One of the classic recommendations for the bottom-heavy figure is the full skirt. It's still a great option, especially for dresses. How to make the full skirt work:

• Go for a fit and flare silhouette. Draw attention to the waist with a belt, gathers, band or other feature. The skirt should flare out from the fitted waist.
• Take the fit and flare silhouette one step further by opting for a strapless dress. You'll get the benefit of showing off your shoulders, while concealing your hips. Also, the strong line of bare shoulders helps balance a wider bottom half.

3. Find JEans that Flatter:

You can look great in jeans. The key is to choose leg openings and back pockets to fit your figure. Here's how:

• Bootcut leg openings are the most flattering jean legs of all. The slight flare balances out wider hips and fuller thighs.
• Opt for a darker wash jean for the most slimming look.
• Five-pocket styling looks best, but you'll want to avoid excessive embellishment on the back pockets if the size of your backside bothers you.
• The longer the jeans, the longer (and thinner) your legs look. Wear bootcut jeans as long as you possibly can without having them bunch up around your legs. If you can stand them, pair jeans with high heels for a super-flattering look.

4. Put Prints on your smallest feature:

Another way to balance the bottom-heavy figure is to accentuate your top half with prints.

Vertical stripes, menswear checks or plaids, florals and polka dots are all great options.

Wear a solid pant or skirt and keep jackets short (never let a jacket end right at the widest point of your hips).

5. Go for a raised Waist:

If your natural waistline is thick, along with full hips and thighs, one of your best options in dresses is the empire-waist (raised waist) dress.With this silhouette, the focus is shifted to only the top third of your body because the waist falls right below the bustline. This look works best with pear-shaped women who are small-busted.

6. Pick a Pretty Neckline:

You don't need a plunging V-neck or tons of cleavage to pull this off. What you do need is added interest -- a sweetheart neckline, a halter, a knotted front -- to draw attention up and towards your face.

7. Light on top, dark on bottom:

As basic as it sounds, the best way to use color to camouflage/highlight figure areas is to use contrasts.The black bottom with white top works like a dream: it brings the eye up to the lightest hue and the top half of the body.

8. Swimwear: Choose Slimming

The idea of high-cut legs on your swimsuit may make you uncomfortable, but they are a flattering way to make your legs look miles long. Here are more Do's and Don'ts for swimwear:

• Don't wear boy shorts. They'll look boxy on you because they accentuate thighs.
• Do choose swimwear with graphic interest -- vertical stripes, colorblocking -- strategically placed to draw the eye up.
• Don't wear a teeny-weeny bikini bottom. The less fabric on bottom, the fleshier you'll look from the waist down.

--------

Your main style aim is...

...to balance your top half to your bottom half by creating the appearance of a wider upper body.

Do wear...

• Accessories and designs to draw attention to your upper body
• Short-sleeved tops
  
• Shoulder pads to broaden your shoulders. This may sound very 80s advice, but they really do work. However, they should not be visible


• Medium to high necklines


• Garments to emphasize your waist


• Skirts and dresses that are straight or slightly flared


• Low rise pants to avoid gaping at the waist


• Boot leg and straight pants

Don't wear...

• Baggy garments


• Stiff fabric


• Garments that add bulk to your hips


• Hems or design lines at hip-line


• Open pleats on skirts or pants


• Tapered skirts or pants

--------------

Flattering tops

• Trendy slim-fitted empires,scoop-necks or boat necks, button up blouses, detailed tops balance the pear figure.
• For colder days, wear princess, single-breasted or a-line coats and jackets.

No, Nos!

• No tops that hit right at the waist and No waist length puffers

Slimming Bottoms

• Knee-length a-line skirts with flared hems narrow the hips of the pear shape.
• Low-rise pants, boot-cut pants and jeans best compliment the proportion.
• Always buy pants that fit well in the hip area and then visit a tailor to take in the waist or adjust the length.

No, Nos!

• Don't wear super full or clingy skirts.
• Please no drawstring pants, gathered, pleated, cuffed, or tapered ankles.
• Be cautious when it comes to skinny jeans.

Dresses

• Empire waist with a-line skirt look the best on pear shapes. This rule is perfect to use for formal events.
• Also, an empire waist at knee-length is exceptional for a cocktail party such as the classic black below.

No, Nos!

• The same rule applies for skirts has it does for dresses. No full and clingy dresses.

What about those swimsuits

A swimsuit is the hardest piece to work with as you already know. Don't worry. There are swimsuits made just for you but this is what you have to look for.

• Find lighter tops and pair with darker bottoms.
• Purchase bikinis or one-pieces with wide-set straps to disguise the smaller shoulders or upper frame.

No, Nos!

• Stay away from boy-leg styles or super-high cut legs.
• No vertical stripes for the bottom half.

----------

A cool "calculator": HERE

How to Dress a Pear Body Shape

The key to dressing a pear body type is to enhance and add volume (or the illusion of volume) to your upper body while emphasizing your waist and deemphasizing your lower body to create a balanced, hourglass appearance. Create the most curvaceous effect by mixing and matching our suggested separates. Please click on the thumbnails below to learn more about how to dress a Pear body type.

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VENUS DE MILO
Michaelangelo's Armless Beauty
Narrow Top/Full Bottom

If you have wide hips, try being thankful for them while you curse them. They're probably your grandmother's hips and they bore her many children. If it's your tummy that has grown and childbirth is the culprit, love it for what it's given you. (If it were perfectly flat, chances are your children would not be with you.)

Many American women, especially those whose ancestors were taken from the western part of Africa, carry this shape in a most beautiful way. Balance is the key word with this shape as with the others. Think of the widest part of your body as a strength that doesn't need any more attention and dress accordingly.

Key: Draw the eye up with accessories and keep all detail away from the hip area (i.e. buttons, ornaments, jacket hemlines and trim). Don't cinch anything at the waist or tuck in tops. Try monochromatic dressing, shoulder pads, sleek high heels instead of clunky footwear.

-------

Dressing the Pear-Shaped Figure:

We have to think about balance. We want to give the appearance of wider shoulders and bigger bust this will help take the attention off the widest part of the body by bringing the eyes up to your face, neck, bust and waist. So in other words what you need to do is to over play your upper body and give your lower body a slimmer sleeker look. Do this by using color on top, wide neck lines, accentuate your waste and wear dark colors on the bottom.

Top it off!

Because your bottom half is slightly larger than your top, you can wear slightly looser fitting cloths on top with out any problem. However, fitted tops look great on you as well. Blouses with a lot of detailing, tops in all sorts of prints with lighter and brighter colors, or textured fabrics are what you want to look for in your tops. This will help balance your lower half.

Puffy sleeves and tops that hug the shoulders or ones with wide-set straps will help to visually widen the chest and shoulders.

Look for necklines that are scooped, draped, v'd, rounded or squared. Any neckline that has a lower and wider neckline will look great. These will emphasize your bust and draw attention to your face. Also look for an under-wire or molded bras to help with balance. A halter top that ties at the neck will give the shoulders the appearance of width they need, and this will help balance out your hips and thighs.

Dress it up!

A-line and flared skirts look best on pears. When choosing a dress, choose a dress with an empire waste or a wrap dress which will flow over your hips. Keep the prinst on top and darker solid colors on the bottom. Don't for get, your dresses will want to have the same features mentioned above on the top.


Bottoms Up!

You want to look for jeans or pants that are flared or have a wide-leg, this will help hide your thicker thighs. Straight legged jeans are also a good for a sleek slimmer look. Go for mid-rise dark jeans (the darker the better) and dark pants. This gives the illusion of a slimmer hips and bottom. Be sure to check my Jeans for your shape page.


Step it up!

Shoes with a pointed toe will help give the illusion of an elongated figure. A rounded toe shoe will make you look chunkier as will chunky footwear. Keep in mind that shoes with a generous cut that show the start of your toes are much more flattering than a closed to shoe . Avoid stiletto heels as they will make you look out of proportion, however, sleek shoes with a thinner heel will work better visually.

Stay Away!

Stay away from body-hugging tight skirts. This will only show every bump and curve. You also want to keep away from full skirts or jeans with large pocket. Pockets will only add dimension to your already fuller hips.

Avoid dresses that have a bias cut that hugs the bottom. Bold patterns, large checks, and light colors are not recommended for below the waist.

Stay away from tight jeans with too much detail on the hips or bottom, such as flaps or embroidery on back pockets. This will only draw the eyes right to your problem area. Stay away from pants with bulky side pockets.

Stay away from tapered jeans or pants, this is something you never ever want to wear. The narrow and tapered legs will only make your hips appear huge.

Stay away from high-waisted pants as these tend to make your bottom look larger.

Stay away from jackets that finish at the widest part of your hips.

Stay away form flashy belts that draw attention to your hips and thighs.