WHO KNEW!?!?!: All on a Friday night...

Being bored with drinking in basements and going to see shitty movies at the theater we don't want to see and do because there's nothing better... we decided to embark on a scientific journey of discovery into the great wilderness of suburbian Friday nightlife yesterday. 10 bars, one night... interesting results.

Never having been frequenters of the Ajax bar scene, even during our summer's home from London, Lisa and I had literally no idea what to expect. Previous to last night we had literally been to Boston Pizza, The Courtyard (once), Safari (once), Shoeless Joe's (once), and Applebee's (once) for drinks. Needless to say, our expectations were not high.

We had a couple drinks at my place (Brock and Finch), and then set out... First stop? Well, I'd driven by on my way from work a few times, and I thought it looked a little classy from the outside (despite being situated in the ever-sketchy Hardwood plaza), and maybe had a bit of a club vibe, so we thought we'd try...

Bar 1: Xplicit
Location: Harwood Ave. in Ajax
Status: For sale

Okay, so a swing and a miss... but we decided that if the night ended and we didn't find a single decent place, that we'd pool our resources and buy a club and make a sick place to go for ourselves. Anyway, so thinking further, we'd heard friends talk about the Portly Piper and how it was where "everyone" went, I'd gone there for lunch once with some people from my old job, and it seemed like it had potential, PLUS, it was close by... so next stop?

Bar 2: The Portly Piper
Location: shitty little plaza on Bayly in Ajax
Rating: 3/10
What happened: So we awkwardly walked in to have everyone raise their heads and look at us, and we made a beeline for the bathroom. Once we came out, a band was setting up, so we thought we'd give it a try. There were probably 25 people in the bar, many sitting at booths with groups of people, and the others were old man stragglers gathered around the bar. The band started and they were.... energetic (at best). I guess they were friends with this old guy in front of us, and as they called out to him he got up off his chair and actually fell down on the table out of drunkness... Cue to leave.

Soo.... The Edge is across the street. I know some lady at work who said it was deece, and honestly, it DOES look cool (if a bit... okay a lot run-down) from the outside... so we go.

Bar 3: The Edge
Location: Bayly in Ajax
Status: 3/10, with potential
Comments: We liked the leopard couches, but were hesitant to actually sit on them due to their likeliness of harbouring multiple STDs. It was a sausage fest. There was a live band that was actually pretty decent, but made up of old mans as you might expect a band in this place to be. There WERE younger people, but they were all playing pool in the back or in what was possibly another room, but we couldn't tell because of the awkward layout, empty dancefloor in the middle of everything, and many many mirrors. We figured if you were really, really drunk, and came here with a group of friends, you could chill on the couches drinking and then make your way to the dancefloor after you stopped caring about where you actually were. It got points for a dancefloor... we like dancing.

Next, we were kind of screwed, where else is there, even? I lied before when I said we'd never been anywhere else... Dylan, me and Chilly once went to Petrina's to play some pool, and I knew there were more bars along Harwood, so we drove back that way to "cruise by" to check them out.

Bar 4: St. Louis Ribs and Wings
Status: 12 cars in the parking lot

Bar 5: Petrina's Billiards
Status: not worth getting out of the car

Bar 6: Harwood Blues
Status: 5 cars
Comments: Lisa--"It looks like a place where sad old men would go to get hammered"

So... now what? Well, Lisa had heard about this place in Pickering that was like "a club downstairs, and a bar upstairs, and different music on each floor and stuff...". Yeah, it's called Mansion. So we head to Pickering. On the way, we see a bar from the road that looks pretty packed...

Bar 7: Bear and Firkin
Location: Hwy 2 at Valleyfarm in Pickering
Status: 5/10, with potential
Comments: The bouncer quizzed us on our postal codes. Really? Wow. But, it was a good crowd, mostly everyone looks to be around 20-25 (no creepy old men a-la-ajax). There are pool tables, a happening bar in the centre, and a lot of tables full of people that look like they are having fun. A place to go with two people looking for a good time? Maybe not... but we could see ourselves coming back here on a night out with the gang. The music sucks, and its really quiet... but still kicks the pants off anything Ajax has to offer...

And just down the road...

Bar 8: Fox and the Fiddle Mansion
Location: Liverpool in Pickering
Status: uhh.... 4/10 TOPS, but it was still more live than Ajax
Explained: So, the bouncers are nice, chatting us up and making sarcastic comments about this ugly chick in a ridiculous outfit with a broken leg who had just walked in before us wearing a shirt that said "I heart ME"... inside our first impression is that it smells and looks like an old man's house. There is weird, faded, velvety furniture pushed out of the way around every corner and a damp musty smell that reminds us of basements and retirement homes. The place is sparse with unattractive 18 year olds wearing too much makeup and body glitter and thugs (by themselves?) who are preying on the young. Sure, every floor has different music, buttt.... upstairs is a high school DJ playing to a crowd of 10 jamming on the dancefloor, and the place is reminiscent of a grade 8 dance in the school gym. The basement is ONE GUY by himself (looked like Napoleon Dynamite) singing Kareoke, and is like, half storage and florescent lighting.... Honestly? It is like a Funhouse... only minus the fun.

And just down the road again...

Bar 9: Jukebox Live
Location: Hwy 2 just after Liverpool in Pickering
Status: 10 BUCKS!!?!?!?!?!
What happened: the parking lot is literally FULL, and there is a lineup of taxis... exciting! So we're psyched. We park soooo far away, walk over past the busy patio with black fences so we cannot see the age or faces of any of the patrons, only there, as Lisa keeps saying "cute shoes!". We go in, past the bouncer, there is a coat check (a good sign?). We're obviously not paying for that... so we walk past it. Oooohhhh no. Go back there and pay. What? Pay, that lady, ten bucks. Ten dollar coat check?? Helll no... Oh, Oooohhhh... cover! TEN DOLLARS!? IN PICKERING!?!?!? ARE YOU INSANE?!? Apparently not. He told us that there were "200 people" inside, and from what we could see from the tiny narrow doorway there was a live band, and the stage looked cool, but no WAY IN HELL would I ever pay ten dollars to go out on a friday night in Pickering... are they serious?

Blown away with the ridiculousness of that little fiasco, we walk to the car tallying up the number of vehicles multiplied by $10, and really, REALLY don't get it. Oh well, at least we found where everyone goes on a Friday... but it's only 1AM, and we're not calling it a night on that note of defeat. So we decide to head back into Ajax following a lead from the weird, foreign bouncer at Bear and Firkin who told us that a place called South in Ajax is the place to be on a Friday. *sigh* what driving... oh well, all in the name of science: we need to conduct a well-rounded study. So, back to ajax we go.

Bar 10: South
Location: Across from Costco in Ajax
Status: 7.5/10
Comments: Ladies night, girls are free, guys, $10, $5 margaritas and mohitos, and apparently salsa dancing lessons if you come early. Lisa is afraid that the "Latin American Restaurant" (on their sign) will be full of "guidos"... yeah... wrong country and... not in Ajax, honey. But the place is pretty live. A young-ish crowd and very mixed race, Aj says its cougar night, so, yeah, we see a few of those... but overall it is a pretty impressive nightclub for Ajax. Lisa said it reminded her of Taphouse in London, and I think that's a bit of a stretch but... not THAT much, all things considered. We get 2 mohitos--they taste weird for mohitos, but still good. the BEST place of the night so far. By far.

But we're not really feeling dancing now, which seems to be the thing to do at South, so we hit the road again, this time??? To gamble!!

Stop 11: Ajax Downs Slots and Casino
Location: just drrrriiiiiveeee on Hwy 2, and then turn left. In Ajax.
Status: AWESOME
What happened: we signed up for some crappy points program and it gave us FIVE FREE DOLLARS. So... we spent it and WON $25 on the 2 cent machine!!! Awesome end to the night.

WHO KNEW!?!?!?!: The Skarsgards

Are you for SEER!?!?! These people are RELATED!? and not only related, but FATHER and SON!???? One might think that I'm overly obsessed with Alex Skarsgard since most of my posts are about him, but it's not true! He just has so many frightening off-screen little-known facts.

FOR EXAMPLE... Bootstrap Bill AKA The ugliest fat husband in Mamma Mia AKA Stellan Skarsgard is actually his real-life father. TRUE STORY. I guess you can kind of see the resemblance in those pics though. Through the nose? maybe? Well, there must be one. Because imdb doesn't lie, they have too much at stake.

Check it: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0002907/bio

PS: Credit goes to my sister Rachel for this one, she noticed the name "Skarsgard" in the opening Mamma Mia credits and then googled it... yes, she sits at home alone on her days off doing things like this, who wouldn't?

WHO KNEW: Dressing for your body type...

I regularly look like a Beast or like a deformed Hipzilla because I choose to indulge in fashion-forward-body-unfriendlies like skinny jeans, high-waisted skirts and uggbootswithleggings. So, to help me cleanse my wardrobe and build a future clothing collection of figure-flattering pieces and outfits I decided to look up some ideas to help me flatter and disguise by bottom-heavy body type.

Bottom-heavy

If your hips are wider than your shoulders and your thighs are round, you have a classic pear-shaped body. Dressing is a snap if you remember to accentuate the positives: a shapely waist, delicate upper body and attractive shoulders and arms.

Bottoms

• Avoid anything too tight.
• A-line skirts that hit around the knee area are ideal because they draw attention away from problem areas. Miniskirts are generally a bad idea because they accentuate heavy thighs.
• Pant waists should fall somewhere below the natural waistline for a better fit. A straight or slightly bootcut leg is the most flattering. Avoid patterned or light-colored pants. Skip fussy details like big cargo pockets, rouching or excessive zippers around the hip area.
• Shorts can be tricky, but for workouts and casual wear choose lightweight, loose-fitting shorts (no bike shorts). Slimming side stripes on shorts can give the illusion of sleekness.

Tops

• Avoid too-baggy tops or too-tight tops: the looser tops will make you look large all over, the tight tops will make you look out of proportion to your hips. Look for fitted -- not skintight -- T-shirts (something with some stretch) and button-front tops. V-necks, turtlenecks and open collars all call attention to the face, which is always a good thing.
• Jackets and blazers should hit anywhere but the widest point of your hips. That could mean right below the waist to mid-thigh, depending on your height. Wear jackets and blazers open for the best vertical lines.

Dresses

• Look for dresses that nip in at the waist and slightly flare out over hips and thighs.
• You can pull off a full-skirted ballgown because it will hide heavy hips and thighs.
• Try sleeveless and strapless dresses to play up pretty shoulders and arms.
• An empire, or raised waist dress brings the eye up away from problem areas. Careful, though. Sometimes this gets mistaken for a maternity look with fuller figures.

Body basics for every figure

• Wear colors that look great on you. Not sure what those are? Grab a trusted friend and head to the mall. Hold up tons of colors next to your face and get feedback from your friend. Hues that compliment most complexions: pink, blue, white (you'll just need to change the intensity of these colors to suit your coloring, i.e. hot pink for darker skins, carnation for fairer, ivory for olive tones, etc.)
• Nobody looks good in high-waisted, pleated pants with narrow ankle openings, but manufacturers still turn these out in droves. Avoid!
• Don't worry about being trendy when you look at what suits your figure: concentrate on what flatters, and add up-to-date shoes, handbags and accessories later

-----------
8 ways to flatter a bottom-heavy figure:

1. Fitted pieces: Balance figure with colour

You can wear a fitted suit, even with a slim skirt, if you are bottom heavy. Just remember:

• Keep the line long by using all one color with slim-cut pieces. It elongates and slims the figure.
• Choose fitted jackets that end well above your widest point.
• Wear a top or jacket with structured shoulders, puffy sleeves, etc. to balance out your larger bottom half.
• Rely on a form-fitting, but never tight, skirt in a non-clingy fabric

2. Think fit and Flare:

One of the classic recommendations for the bottom-heavy figure is the full skirt. It's still a great option, especially for dresses. How to make the full skirt work:

• Go for a fit and flare silhouette. Draw attention to the waist with a belt, gathers, band or other feature. The skirt should flare out from the fitted waist.
• Take the fit and flare silhouette one step further by opting for a strapless dress. You'll get the benefit of showing off your shoulders, while concealing your hips. Also, the strong line of bare shoulders helps balance a wider bottom half.

3. Find JEans that Flatter:

You can look great in jeans. The key is to choose leg openings and back pockets to fit your figure. Here's how:

• Bootcut leg openings are the most flattering jean legs of all. The slight flare balances out wider hips and fuller thighs.
• Opt for a darker wash jean for the most slimming look.
• Five-pocket styling looks best, but you'll want to avoid excessive embellishment on the back pockets if the size of your backside bothers you.
• The longer the jeans, the longer (and thinner) your legs look. Wear bootcut jeans as long as you possibly can without having them bunch up around your legs. If you can stand them, pair jeans with high heels for a super-flattering look.

4. Put Prints on your smallest feature:

Another way to balance the bottom-heavy figure is to accentuate your top half with prints.

Vertical stripes, menswear checks or plaids, florals and polka dots are all great options.

Wear a solid pant or skirt and keep jackets short (never let a jacket end right at the widest point of your hips).

5. Go for a raised Waist:

If your natural waistline is thick, along with full hips and thighs, one of your best options in dresses is the empire-waist (raised waist) dress.With this silhouette, the focus is shifted to only the top third of your body because the waist falls right below the bustline. This look works best with pear-shaped women who are small-busted.

6. Pick a Pretty Neckline:

You don't need a plunging V-neck or tons of cleavage to pull this off. What you do need is added interest -- a sweetheart neckline, a halter, a knotted front -- to draw attention up and towards your face.

7. Light on top, dark on bottom:

As basic as it sounds, the best way to use color to camouflage/highlight figure areas is to use contrasts.The black bottom with white top works like a dream: it brings the eye up to the lightest hue and the top half of the body.

8. Swimwear: Choose Slimming

The idea of high-cut legs on your swimsuit may make you uncomfortable, but they are a flattering way to make your legs look miles long. Here are more Do's and Don'ts for swimwear:

• Don't wear boy shorts. They'll look boxy on you because they accentuate thighs.
• Do choose swimwear with graphic interest -- vertical stripes, colorblocking -- strategically placed to draw the eye up.
• Don't wear a teeny-weeny bikini bottom. The less fabric on bottom, the fleshier you'll look from the waist down.

--------

Your main style aim is...

...to balance your top half to your bottom half by creating the appearance of a wider upper body.

Do wear...

• Accessories and designs to draw attention to your upper body
• Short-sleeved tops
  
• Shoulder pads to broaden your shoulders. This may sound very 80s advice, but they really do work. However, they should not be visible


• Medium to high necklines


• Garments to emphasize your waist


• Skirts and dresses that are straight or slightly flared


• Low rise pants to avoid gaping at the waist


• Boot leg and straight pants

Don't wear...

• Baggy garments


• Stiff fabric


• Garments that add bulk to your hips


• Hems or design lines at hip-line


• Open pleats on skirts or pants


• Tapered skirts or pants

--------------

Flattering tops

• Trendy slim-fitted empires,scoop-necks or boat necks, button up blouses, detailed tops balance the pear figure.
• For colder days, wear princess, single-breasted or a-line coats and jackets.

No, Nos!

• No tops that hit right at the waist and No waist length puffers

Slimming Bottoms

• Knee-length a-line skirts with flared hems narrow the hips of the pear shape.
• Low-rise pants, boot-cut pants and jeans best compliment the proportion.
• Always buy pants that fit well in the hip area and then visit a tailor to take in the waist or adjust the length.

No, Nos!

• Don't wear super full or clingy skirts.
• Please no drawstring pants, gathered, pleated, cuffed, or tapered ankles.
• Be cautious when it comes to skinny jeans.

Dresses

• Empire waist with a-line skirt look the best on pear shapes. This rule is perfect to use for formal events.
• Also, an empire waist at knee-length is exceptional for a cocktail party such as the classic black below.

No, Nos!

• The same rule applies for skirts has it does for dresses. No full and clingy dresses.

What about those swimsuits

A swimsuit is the hardest piece to work with as you already know. Don't worry. There are swimsuits made just for you but this is what you have to look for.

• Find lighter tops and pair with darker bottoms.
• Purchase bikinis or one-pieces with wide-set straps to disguise the smaller shoulders or upper frame.

No, Nos!

• Stay away from boy-leg styles or super-high cut legs.
• No vertical stripes for the bottom half.

----------

A cool "calculator": HERE

How to Dress a Pear Body Shape

The key to dressing a pear body type is to enhance and add volume (or the illusion of volume) to your upper body while emphasizing your waist and deemphasizing your lower body to create a balanced, hourglass appearance. Create the most curvaceous effect by mixing and matching our suggested separates. Please click on the thumbnails below to learn more about how to dress a Pear body type.

---------

VENUS DE MILO
Michaelangelo's Armless Beauty
Narrow Top/Full Bottom

If you have wide hips, try being thankful for them while you curse them. They're probably your grandmother's hips and they bore her many children. If it's your tummy that has grown and childbirth is the culprit, love it for what it's given you. (If it were perfectly flat, chances are your children would not be with you.)

Many American women, especially those whose ancestors were taken from the western part of Africa, carry this shape in a most beautiful way. Balance is the key word with this shape as with the others. Think of the widest part of your body as a strength that doesn't need any more attention and dress accordingly.

Key: Draw the eye up with accessories and keep all detail away from the hip area (i.e. buttons, ornaments, jacket hemlines and trim). Don't cinch anything at the waist or tuck in tops. Try monochromatic dressing, shoulder pads, sleek high heels instead of clunky footwear.

-------

Dressing the Pear-Shaped Figure:

We have to think about balance. We want to give the appearance of wider shoulders and bigger bust this will help take the attention off the widest part of the body by bringing the eyes up to your face, neck, bust and waist. So in other words what you need to do is to over play your upper body and give your lower body a slimmer sleeker look. Do this by using color on top, wide neck lines, accentuate your waste and wear dark colors on the bottom.

Top it off!

Because your bottom half is slightly larger than your top, you can wear slightly looser fitting cloths on top with out any problem. However, fitted tops look great on you as well. Blouses with a lot of detailing, tops in all sorts of prints with lighter and brighter colors, or textured fabrics are what you want to look for in your tops. This will help balance your lower half.

Puffy sleeves and tops that hug the shoulders or ones with wide-set straps will help to visually widen the chest and shoulders.

Look for necklines that are scooped, draped, v'd, rounded or squared. Any neckline that has a lower and wider neckline will look great. These will emphasize your bust and draw attention to your face. Also look for an under-wire or molded bras to help with balance. A halter top that ties at the neck will give the shoulders the appearance of width they need, and this will help balance out your hips and thighs.

Dress it up!

A-line and flared skirts look best on pears. When choosing a dress, choose a dress with an empire waste or a wrap dress which will flow over your hips. Keep the prinst on top and darker solid colors on the bottom. Don't for get, your dresses will want to have the same features mentioned above on the top.


Bottoms Up!

You want to look for jeans or pants that are flared or have a wide-leg, this will help hide your thicker thighs. Straight legged jeans are also a good for a sleek slimmer look. Go for mid-rise dark jeans (the darker the better) and dark pants. This gives the illusion of a slimmer hips and bottom. Be sure to check my Jeans for your shape page.


Step it up!

Shoes with a pointed toe will help give the illusion of an elongated figure. A rounded toe shoe will make you look chunkier as will chunky footwear. Keep in mind that shoes with a generous cut that show the start of your toes are much more flattering than a closed to shoe . Avoid stiletto heels as they will make you look out of proportion, however, sleek shoes with a thinner heel will work better visually.

Stay Away!

Stay away from body-hugging tight skirts. This will only show every bump and curve. You also want to keep away from full skirts or jeans with large pocket. Pockets will only add dimension to your already fuller hips.

Avoid dresses that have a bias cut that hugs the bottom. Bold patterns, large checks, and light colors are not recommended for below the waist.

Stay away from tight jeans with too much detail on the hips or bottom, such as flaps or embroidery on back pockets. This will only draw the eyes right to your problem area. Stay away from pants with bulky side pockets.

Stay away from tapered jeans or pants, this is something you never ever want to wear. The narrow and tapered legs will only make your hips appear huge.

Stay away from high-waisted pants as these tend to make your bottom look larger.

Stay away from jackets that finish at the widest part of your hips.

Stay away form flashy belts that draw attention to your hips and thighs.

WHO KNEW: im thinking about turning this into a shopping blog...

...because i have ANOTHER blog, that I write for USC at Western (click here) and I always want to post innappropriate things about sales I find... so I'll post them here instead.

okay,
1) they have Rock and Republic Jeans at COSTCO!!! what is the world coming to...
2) The Garage outlet in the costco plaza (which i usually already decently amazing)-- has a BOGO Sale !! (Buy one get one free -- I just learned what that meant like a month ago, I used to think "B.O.G.O" was a brand of shoe that they sold at Payless because they always had the posters hahaha...)... I bought my sister some purple pants for Five Bucks!
3) The Stitches outlet (50% off 50% off the regular prices at classy, quality clothing stores like Sirens and Stitches)... now has shoes!! They're Five Bucks!!!
4) I can't wait to get up early to go back to those stores NOT either a) shopping 7 minutes before my shift at costco, or b) on my 30 minute lunch break in the pouring rain ... yeah!!!

okay, now i gotta go write this five-days-late essay or i'm going to be F-U-C-K-E-D. .... actually, i already am!

ta-ta!

WHO KNEW!?!?!?!: I'm ACTUALLY famous this time

Hey...

I want to start blogging fo' real this time. Like, not posting one entry and then dippppping the scene for all eternity. But we'll see how this goes... hopefully I don't actually gain followers because of it, because the prospect of that is horrifying. like, remember LiveJournal? I was so NOT there. and nor did I ever want to be. Journals online? This is not the Voice of the People, people, it is just Rob Pattinson tweets and self-obsessed stream of conciousness. Blogging is NOT the answer.... yet here I go...

anyway, I thought this discovery deserved a post, and I am spamming the shit out of Web 2.0 with the news --I'm FAMOUS!! The new Hit Single "(If you're wondering if I want you to) I want you to" by Weezer has MY FEET ON THE COVER OF THE SINGLE.

I need to figure out if this is a real single, or just an online release, because I know on Amazon.com (where i ALSO am..!!) you can only download the mP3, not buy the CD. Or maybe it's a record!! Indy-styles Weezer may have gone that route--they do have thick-rimmed glasses after all...

Neeewayz, check that shit out: http://www.weezer.com/discography/detail.aspx?pid=2308

And does anyone know how I can contact these people and get some creds/a free t-shit? Cause that would be bomb.

WHO KNEW!?!?!: Oh my god, im already famous

Check out this blog--I'm totally on it!! No, not that plump blonde tween in the middle--in the back! to the left! That's me fending off the masses!! OH EM GEE