Being bored with drinking in basements and going to see shitty movies at the theater we don't want to see and do because there's nothing better... we decided to embark on a scientific journey of discovery into the great wilderness of suburbian Friday nightlife yesterday. 10 bars, one night... interesting results.Never having been frequenters of the Ajax bar scene, even during our summer's home from London, Lisa and I had literally no idea what to expect. Previous to last night we had literally been to Boston Pizza, The Courtyard (once), Safari (once), Shoeless Joe's (once), and Applebee's (once) for drinks. Needless to say, our expectations were not high.
We had a couple drinks at my place (Brock and Finch), and then set out... First stop? Well, I'd driven by on my way from work a few times, and I thought it looked a little classy from the outside (despite being situated in the ever-sketchy Hardwood plaza), and maybe had a bit of a club vibe, so we thought we'd try...
Bar 1: Xplicit
Location: Harwood Ave. in Ajax
Status: For sale
Okay, so a swing and a miss... but we decided that if the night ended and we didn't find a single decent place, that we'd pool our resources and buy a club and make a sick place to go for ourselves. Anyway, so thinking further, we'd heard friends talk about the Portly Piper and how it was where "everyone" went, I'd gone there for lunch once with some people from my old job, and it seemed like it had potential, PLUS, it was close by... so next stop?
Bar 2: The Portly Piper
Location: shitty little plaza on Bayly in Ajax
Rating: 3/10
What happened: So we awkwardly walked in to have everyone raise their heads and look at us, and we made a beeline for the bathroom. Once we came out, a band was setting up, so we thought we'd give it a try. There were probably 25 people in the bar, many sitting at booths with groups of people, and the others were old man stragglers gathered around the bar. The band started and they were.... energetic (at best). I guess they were friends with this old guy in front of us, and as they called out to him he got up off his chair and actually fell down on the table out of drunkness... Cue to leave.
Soo.... The Edge is across the street. I know some lady at work who said it was deece, and honestly, it DOES look cool (if a bit... okay a lot run-down) from the outside... so we go.
Bar 3: The Edge
Location: Bayly in Ajax
Status: 3/10, with potential
Comments: We liked the leopard couches, but were hesitant to actually sit on them due to their likeliness of harbouring multiple STDs. It was a sausage fest. There was a live band that was actually pretty decent, but made up of old mans as you might expect a band in this place to be. There WERE younger people, but they were all playing pool in the back or in what was possibly another room, but we couldn't tell because of the awkward layout, empty dancefloor in the middle of everything, and many many mirrors. We figured if you were really, really drunk, and came here with a group of friends, you could chill on the couches drinking and then make your way to the dancefloor after you stopped caring about where you actually were. It got points for a dancefloor... we like dancing.
Next, we were kind of screwed, where else is there, even? I lied before when I said we'd never been anywhere else... Dylan, me and Chilly once went to Petrina's to play some pool, and I knew there were more bars along Harwood, so we drove back that way to "cruise by" to check them out.
Bar 4: St. Louis Ribs and Wings
Status: 12 cars in the parking lot
Bar 5: Petrina's Billiards
Status: not worth getting out of the car
Bar 6: Harwood Blues
Status: 5 cars
Comments: Lisa--"It looks like a place where sad old men would go to get hammered"
So... now what? Well, Lisa had heard about this place in Pickering that was like "a club downstairs, and a bar upstairs, and different music on each floor and stuff...". Yeah, it's called Mansion. So we head to Pickering. On the way, we see a bar from the road that looks pretty packed...
Bar 7: Bear and Firkin
Location: Hwy 2 at Valleyfarm in Pickering
Status: 5/10, with potential
Comments: The bouncer quizzed us on our postal codes. Really? Wow. But, it was a good crowd, mostly everyone looks to be around 20-25 (no creepy old men a-la-ajax). There are pool tables, a happening bar in the centre, and a lot of tables full of people that look like they are having fun. A place to go with two people looking for a good time? Maybe not... but we could see ourselves coming back here on a night out with the gang. The music sucks, and its really quiet... but still kicks the pants off anything Ajax has to offer...
And just down the road...
Bar 8: Fox and the Fiddle Mansion
Location: Liverpool in Pickering
Status: uhh.... 4/10 TOPS, but it was still more live than Ajax
Explained: So, the bouncers are nice, chatting us up and making sarcastic comments about this ugly chick in a ridiculous outfit with a broken leg who had just walked in before us wearing a shirt that said "I heart ME"... inside our first impression is that it smells and looks like an old man's house. There is weird, faded, velvety furniture pushed out of the way around every corner and a damp musty smell that reminds us of basements and retirement homes. The place is sparse with unattractive 18 year olds wearing too much makeup and body glitter and thugs (by themselves?) who are preying on the young. Sure, every floor has different music, buttt.... upstairs is a high school DJ playing to a crowd of 10 jamming on the dancefloor, and the place is reminiscent of a grade 8 dance in the school gym. The basement is ONE GUY by himself (looked like Napoleon Dynamite) singing Kareoke, and is like, half storage and florescent lighting.... Honestly? It is like a Funhouse... only minus the fun.
And just down the road again...
Bar 9: Jukebox Live
Location: Hwy 2 just after Liverpool in Pickering
Status: 10 BUCKS!!?!?!?!?!
What happened: the parking lot is literally FULL, and there is a lineup of taxis... exciting! So we're psyched. We park soooo far away, walk over past the busy patio with black fences so we cannot see the age or faces of any of the patrons, only there, as Lisa keeps saying "cute shoes!". We go in, past the bouncer, there is a coat check (a good sign?). We're obviously not paying for that... so we walk past it. Oooohhhh no. Go back there and pay. What? Pay, that lady, ten bucks. Ten dollar coat check?? Helll no... Oh, Oooohhhh... cover! TEN DOLLARS!? IN PICKERING!?!?!? ARE YOU INSANE?!? Apparently not. He told us that there were "200 people" inside, and from what we could see from the tiny narrow doorway there was a live band, and the stage looked cool, but no WAY IN HELL would I ever pay ten dollars to go out on a friday night in Pickering... are they serious?
Blown away with the ridiculousness of that little fiasco, we walk to the car tallying up the number of vehicles multiplied by $10, and really, REALLY don't get it. Oh well, at least we found where everyone goes on a Friday... but it's only 1AM, and we're not calling it a night on that note of defeat. So we decide to head back into Ajax following a lead from the weird, foreign bouncer at Bear and Firkin who told us that a place called South in Ajax is the place to be on a Friday. *sigh* what driving... oh well, all in the name of science: we need to conduct a well-rounded study. So, back to ajax we go.
Bar 10: South
Location: Across from Costco in Ajax
Status: 7.5/10
Comments: Ladies night, girls are free, guys, $10, $5 margaritas and mohitos, and apparently salsa dancing lessons if you come early. Lisa is afraid that the "Latin American Restaurant" (on their sign) will be full of "guidos"... yeah... wrong country and... not in Ajax, honey. But the place is pretty live. A young-ish crowd and very mixed race, Aj says its cougar night, so, yeah, we see a few of those... but overall it is a pretty impressive nightclub for Ajax. Lisa said it reminded her of Taphouse in London, and I think that's a bit of a stretch but... not THAT much, all things considered. We get 2 mohitos--they taste weird for mohitos, but still good. the BEST place of the night so far. By far.
But we're not really feeling dancing now, which seems to be the thing to do at South, so we hit the road again, this time??? To gamble!!
Stop 11: Ajax Downs Slots and Casino
Location: just drrrriiiiiveeee on Hwy 2, and then turn left. In Ajax.
Status: AWESOME
What happened: we signed up for some crappy points program and it gave us FIVE FREE DOLLARS. So... we spent it and WON $25 on the 2 cent machine!!! Awesome end to the night.
